Just Because I Have a Sausage in My Mouth Doesn’t Mean I’m Flirting with You

I’m currently obsessed with sausage. Scratch that. I’m currently obsessed with a restaurant called Sausagefest here in Las Vegas. And as any other blogger who actively participates in social media would do, I love to post photos of my sausage du jour on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. As such, many single males seem to think this is some sort of beacon of my availability. It’s not. So, guys, let me be very clear with you… just because I have a sausage in my mouth doesn’t mean I’m flirting with you.

I’m dating myself. Mainly it’s because I have no choice; the one person I like doesn’t like me back, and I haven’t met anyone else I am compatible with. Luckily for me, I like myself. I’m really good to myself and I treat myself to entertaining and satisfying dates. Lately, that’s included dinners at Sausagefest. One, the locale is nearby. Two, the food is so good! Three, the staff is friendly and fun.

So, my moments at Sausagefest are for me. And I enjoy sharing them along with my double entendres on social media because, well, anyone who knows me knows that I’m pretty damn funny. I mean, I’m eating sausages, like, all the time. It’s hilarious. My friends, coworkers, sister, and mom get it. A huge part of the fun I have hanging out at Sausagefest is the opportunity to flex my funny bone (can bones be flexed?). My sausage enjoyment is not a thirst trap.

Other single ladies know what I’m talking about. It’s like, the moment you share a cute selfie (or in my case, a sausage pic), guys come creeping out of the woodwork like insects. They slide into your DM, text you directly, or beg you to DM them. And the kicker is that it’s NEVER the guy(s) you want to hear from. It’s all those other guys that you aren’t into. Blech.

Look, fellas, just because a woman is obviously enjoying her life alone doesn’t mean she needs a man to accompany her on her adventures. Just because a woman is in public alone doesn’t mean she’s available to you. (Oh, she may be single, and she may even be open to meeting a nice gentleman, but more than likely that person isn’t you.) Just because a woman is being funny doesn’t mean she’s trying to get laid. And just because I have a sausage in my mouth doesn’t mean I’m flirting with you.

If my savory sausage shares have got you interested in visiting Sausagefest, you can find the restaurant at 953 E. Sahara, suite E8 (next to Komal) inside Commercial Center. Follow the brand on Twitter: @SausagefestLV.