Confession: I Totally Ghost Guys and Have No Shame About It

Before you judge me, just hear me out, please.

First of all, I would never ghost a guy I was dating or with whom I was in some kind of relationship (or “situationship“). If any kind of friendship or feelings of tenderness exist between a man and myself, I would never end things by cutting off all communications with him and leaving him with no explanation (which is what ghosting is, if you are not already aware). That would be way too heartless and immature for me.

However, there are a few instances in which I think it’s totally acceptable and harmless to ghost a guy. I’m not out to hurt anyone or be disrespectful. But, I’m at that age when my time is precious, and my patience is thin. Sometimes, I will totally ghost a guy and have no shame about it. Here are those times:

1. When he’s psycho. I have no problem sharing my phone number, because blocking a dude is always an option. Men often thank me for being so willing, to which I always reply, “No biggie. I’ll just block you, if it turns out you’re psycho.” So, if it does turn out that he is indeed psycho, I’ll ghost him. I’ll un-match and/or block him on Tinder and/or social media, and block him on my phone. If he’s psycho (and I’m talking creepy, scary, or violent), why should I offer him some kind of explanation? He’s done or said something that spooked me or made me believe he’s a hostile human being. I’m ghosting him. Period.
2. When our interaction has been minimal at best and it’s going nowhere. Look, if nothing more has happened than one or two conversations on a dating app, our interaction has been nothing substantial, and it shouldn’t hurt his feelings if I ghost him. He’s still a stranger, and he’s made sure to keep me one. I owe him nothing. If he was really that into me, he’d take our conversation offline and take me up on my offer to meet somewhere. When the stranger status remains and I get bored, I’ll ghost him. He deserves nothing more.
3. When I’m nothing more than a hookup to him. I’m no victim. Every time I have been allotted hookup status, I have been a consenting participant. But I can only be a hookup for so long. It’s a temporary thing. Sometimes, I stupidly develop feelings for the person. Sometimes, I just change my mind for no real reason other than I lose interest. Sometimes, the man is so blatantly treating me like a hookup that my self-respect and dignity are compromised. It’s inevitable. My hookup status has to end at some point. When I decide it’s time, I ghost him.

I’m just an object to the hookup guy (also known as “fuck boy“). There’s no way he cares about why I’ve gone missing or why I’m no longer responding to his hookup texts. So knowing that, why should I spend the time communicating to him that I’ve had a change of heart and I don’t want to be his hookup anymore? It’s so much easier just to block his text messages. It’s so much easier to just ghost him.

Some women would say that by ghosting the hookup guy, I’m denying myself the opportunity to be honest, convey my feelings or thoughts, and call him out (especially during those moments when he’s being an inconsiderate a-hole). But, again… I’m at that age. I just give zero fucks about turning the situation into a learning lesson. I don’t need to practice my skills of confrontation. I’m 45. I got that down pat. And, I’m not his mother (although in some cases, I’m old enough to be). It’s not my job to teach him a lesson and educate him on the right way to treat a woman, hookup or not. So, I ghost.

I know that there is a portion of people who rant against ghosting, and in many situations, it is a downright mean thing to do to a person. However, if you’re trying to avoid a psycho, or just don’t have the wherewithal to explain yourself to someone who you know really doesn’t care about you anyway, then I say go ahead and ghost that person. Don’t feel bad about it. Believe me, they’ll live. And you’ll feel better about making it easy on yourself to walk away from someone without any awkward debate. Save your energy for the only person who really matters in this situation – yourself.