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Sorry-Not-Sorry, But I Stopped Saying Sorry

I am an extremely empathetic person, but I refuse to apologize for things that I am not sorry for. I feel like faux or forced apologies put the other person in a position where I owe him or her something, and unless I have inconvenienced, slighted, or hurt that person in some way, I don’t.

I’m not the only one who thinks this way. I think because the women’s movement has gained strength recently, you’re going to find more and more women refusing to apologize. But for me, ending your habit of saying sorry for things that are insignificant or simply not your fault is not a women’s issue. It’s a self-empowerment issue.

So, before I leave you with the impression that I am not big enough to apologize, let me be clear. I DO believe in saying sorry for those times when I clearly am to blame. Here are those moments:

And, that’s pretty much it. Those are the the things I will ever feel and say I am sorry for. Anything beyond that, I just refuse to say sorry. That includes:

Lastly, and this is a really important one, so pay attention:

If you are overcharged on your dinner check and you bring it to the server’s attention, do not begin with, “I’m sorry.” Why are you sorry? You didn’t screw up the bill. If someone cuts in front of you in line, do not apologize for confronting the offender. Don’t even say, “Excuse me.” You need no excuse. You are not doing anything wrong.

I implore you to make a change now. Stop apologizing for feeling what you feel, being who you are, failing to make everyone happy, and, especially, for speaking up for yourself. Be polite. Be civil. Be kind and respectful. But do not be sorry anymore.

Unless, of course, you act like an asshole. Then you should say, “I’m sorry.”

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